It’s difficult enough when battling an addiction. Even more so when being sucker punched by a mental illness.
Here’s one of our newest team members and champion Athlete Neilson’s brief look into 24 hours in the mind of a schizophrenic/addict becoming an athlete before and during yesterday’s race.
“You can’t run your knee will blow out”
‘I think I can and if it does someone will help, I’m sure.’
“Yea, but you will look stupid and weak!”
‘No I’ll look like I gave it everything I had.’
“Good morning fool are you really going to do this? You could say you’re sick or your poor knee is hurting. No one will know.”
‘I will know and that’s all that matters.’
“But you don’t even know these people.”
‘I don’t need to. It’s the challenge that matters.’
“Oh crap! You’re lost, there is no one here, you may as well go home”
‘NOPE! They’re here somewhere. I’ll find them.’
“But you’re already late. They started 5 minutes ago.”
‘It’s ok, I’m running anyway.’
“What if you don’t find them?”
‘Then I’ll run down this trail and do it on my own….but look…there they are now!’
“You’re way behind dummy you’re going to get lost.”
‘I’ve been lost before but I will find them…look a feather. I’ll follow the trail of pink feathers, I got this!’
“LOL! Look at you! You have not even made it a mile and you can’t breath already. You can’t go all the way”.
‘I can always walk if I have to, I can do this!’
~PHONE~1 mile time 9 min 13 seconds…
‘Wow! I didn’t think I was going that fast I’m a rock star. Alright, 5 more. You got this. Look, there are some athletes. Did my phone stop? I should have past the 2 mile mark a long time ago.’
“No fool, I told you…you can’t make this! Just stop and walk.”
‘There is honor in that, yes there is, but it’s not what I committed to. Shut up!!’
“Skip some miles.”
‘Only 2 miles left.’
~PHONE~ 4 miles. split time 11.08…
“Boy, you’re barely moving. You have ran further than you ever have, you could walk now.”
‘NOPE! I’ll make it back!’
“But you can’t feel your legs? They are getting weak. You’re going to fall at any moment.”
‘I have fell before. I’ll be ok…just keep going.’
~Phone~ mile 5 split time 11.48…
“You can walk this fast. Just walk. You’re way past your limit. What are you doing?”
‘I’m doing what I said I would.’
“But you said you would walk if you can’t make it.”
‘Yea, but I can make it. I’m almost there. Look there’s a feather… the finish is getting close. I’m going to take these home and I’ll write my time on a piece of paper with these feathers to mark my accomplishment.’
“But you almost fell picking it up!”
‘It’s ok I didn’t’
“ok fool, you’re there. You can walk now.”
‘NOPE, still 100 yards.’
‘Nope! YEAH, come on!’
“Who are those guys?”
‘They are the athletes. I don’t know their names….but they probably just fought you too.’
You never know who’s following you.
Thank you Athlete Sawyer for helping out another athlete without even knowing it by losing your feathers along the correct path.
What are you leaving behind and where are you going?